I'm sorry.


For always being undecided.

For  my everchanging mind.

For my erratic  heart.

For always beeing on to the next one with all my soul.


I know it's exhausting to be my friend sometimes.

I could build a bridge just to burn it down.


If it would be like that...

(exerpt from "Extremely loud & incredibly close" - Jonathan Safran Foer)




.....I wouldn't have to sit here, trying to figure out how to bring my heart back in line with yours.

emotions are a hell of a drug.bittersweet suckers.


The last couple of days I felt exactly like this.....about pretty much everything. I am not a moody person and I am not over the top emotional or sensitive....that's why it's kind of a big deal for me to realise that emotions actually influence my life a lot.


So....I've been dealing with this one situation for some time now, it's been heavy on my mind the whole time, but I knew that I will figure it out by the time I am ready....at least I thought it would be easy as that.

Then this weekend I was overwhelmed by everything.....I couldn't sleep, I couldn't concentrate or focus, I didn't care about anything or anyone, I felt.....empty, like a zombie, emotions taking me over. lost. I just had to find a way out.


I believe that everything happens for a reason. The bank holiday weekend got me to the point where I had to make a decision. Get it over with. Move on. I think that's a good thing.

I won't complain about the whole situation cause I pretty much fucked it up myself in the first place, but I can't bring myself to regret the decisions that brought me here. I am what I am. 



"I believe that everything happens for a reason.

People change so that you can learn to let go,

things go wrong so that you appreciate them when their right,

you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust noone but yourself,

and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

— Marilyn Monroe — 



Happy Easter. 

nothing. at least.


I don't know if it's possible to ever get fully over the pain of losing someone you loved. Maybe I will one day.

Nothing matters

there's Nothing to think about

Nothing to cry and yell about

Nothing to talk and dream about

there's Nothing left

Nothing.at least.

I hold on to the Nothing

that you left me

Nothing is all I got

it's everything

I can't let my Nothing go

just to realise that I am empty since you've been gone 

Nothing.at least.
at least nothing.




say it with your mouth shut


Sometimes nothing is the best thing to say.

And sometimes a song can say more than words ever could.



this is for all the beautiful sisters and the sisters that hate them for it

Some girls at a club yesterday, reminded me of this piece I coincidentally found on youtube some time ago.



ich gruesse alle die ich kenne