I never saw that movie.

"Never love a wild thing, Mr. Bell,' Holly advised him.'That was Doc's mistake.

He was always lugging home wild things. A hawk with a hurt wing. One time it
was a full-grown bobcat with a broken leg. But you can't give your heart to a
wild thing: the more you do, the stronger they get. Until they're strong enough to
run into the woods. Or fly into a tree. Then a taller tree. Then the sky. That's how
you'll end up, Mr. Bell. If you let yourself love a wild thing.
You'll end up looking at the sky."

Truman Capote (Breakfast at Tiffany's)


I wonder how it would be if the sky would play music. Not only play, but expressing itself

through music. 

Not very loud , just like in the elevator. Imagine that the music would changewith the weather

and every freak of nature had it's own melody. Every cloud, every single colour. All the light shades

of pink in the evening and the mellow tints of orange, purple and blue after a thunder in summer,

would have their own melody, every ray of sun it's own tone. The wind could be a soft piano sonata.

On a smooth summer day like this it could sound like 'Claire de lune '. 

Every little change of temperatur or humanity would change the pitch of dozens of instruments. And just

like nature they would play in perfect harmony, no day would sound like another, no two

clouds are the same. Sunrise in autumn could sound like Newman's 'Whisper of a thrill' and  when the sky

would be lightened up by bright moonlight at night it would sound like Mahlers'Symphonie no.5'. 

Maybe a thunder would create the sound of a big symphonic orchestra and the calm and soft sprinkles of

clouds in the sky after it would sound like mellow violins.


I just wonder how it would be if we were able to hear nature , to feel her on a higher level of understanding.

Do you think we would start to listen?

out my window


Listen. Watch the sky and the wind. Imagine.

Claire de lune

Whisper of a thrill

Symphony no.5

I'm sorry.


For always being undecided.

For  my everchanging mind.

For my erratic  heart.

For always beeing on to the next one with all my soul.


I know it's exhausting to be my friend sometimes.

I could build a bridge just to burn it down.


If it would be like that...

(exerpt from "Extremely loud & incredibly close" - Jonathan Safran Foer)




.....I wouldn't have to sit here, trying to figure out how to bring my heart back in line with yours.

emotions are a hell of a drug.bittersweet suckers.


The last couple of days I felt exactly like this.....about pretty much everything. I am not a moody person and I am not over the top emotional or sensitive....that's why it's kind of a big deal for me to realise that emotions actually influence my life a lot.


So....I've been dealing with this one situation for some time now, it's been heavy on my mind the whole time, but I knew that I will figure it out by the time I am ready....at least I thought it would be easy as that.

Then this weekend I was overwhelmed by everything.....I couldn't sleep, I couldn't concentrate or focus, I didn't care about anything or anyone, I felt.....empty, like a zombie, emotions taking me over. lost. I just had to find a way out.


I believe that everything happens for a reason. The bank holiday weekend got me to the point where I had to make a decision. Get it over with. Move on. I think that's a good thing.

I won't complain about the whole situation cause I pretty much fucked it up myself in the first place, but I can't bring myself to regret the decisions that brought me here. I am what I am. 



"I believe that everything happens for a reason.

People change so that you can learn to let go,

things go wrong so that you appreciate them when their right,

you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust noone but yourself,

and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

— Marilyn Monroe — 



Happy Easter. 

nothing. at least.


I don't know if it's possible to ever get fully over the pain of losing someone you loved. Maybe I will one day.

Nothing matters

there's Nothing to think about

Nothing to cry and yell about

Nothing to talk and dream about

there's Nothing left

Nothing.at least.

I hold on to the Nothing

that you left me

Nothing is all I got

it's everything

I can't let my Nothing go

just to realise that I am empty since you've been gone 

Nothing.at least.
at least nothing.




ich gruesse alle die ich kenne