learning my own lessons.

I fucked up.

I know. 

My head was in the clouds

when I should have had your back.

looking out at my own galaxy

while you were looking out for. me. 

Now you are softly crying 

while I am  trying

to save the words that are dying  

on my lips.

I told somebody some time ago

that words can't  fix

what action fails to show.

I fucked up. 

I know.

not gonna happen.


one of these days.

I am sorry to interrupt

but today i just feel pretty fucked up

nothing is right though nothing goes wrong

feeling weak though looking strong

turning thoughts over, again and again

stop at the beginning , start at the end

can't comprehend, just can't seem to find

the thing that keeps messing with my mind

I even went to church, thought I'll give it a try

and God might light me up, if I just swing by...

I kinda knew it doesn't work that way, it can't

it's just that his fanclub I can't stand

and usually I trust in his spirit within and never worry

but anyway thats another story

I also tried to write it down, looked at it from every angle

but even that didn't help me to untangle

the thoughts that cause this melancholy

somewhere deep inside of me

well I think I just should go and see

the people who make me

the two or three

if that doesnt help to get me straight

I might as well go out and get layed

but whatever.... I already feel better, now that that's off my chest

at the end of the day the reason might not even matter

sometimes ....

Emotional Rollercoaster

I never saw that movie.

"Never love a wild thing, Mr. Bell,' Holly advised him.'That was Doc's mistake.

He was always lugging home wild things. A hawk with a hurt wing. One time it
was a full-grown bobcat with a broken leg. But you can't give your heart to a
wild thing: the more you do, the stronger they get. Until they're strong enough to
run into the woods. Or fly into a tree. Then a taller tree. Then the sky. That's how
you'll end up, Mr. Bell. If you let yourself love a wild thing.
You'll end up looking at the sky."

Truman Capote (Breakfast at Tiffany's)


I wonder how it would be if the sky would play music. Not only play, but expressing itself

through music. 

Not very loud , just like in the elevator. Imagine that the music would changewith the weather

and every freak of nature had it's own melody. Every cloud, every single colour. All the light shades

of pink in the evening and the mellow tints of orange, purple and blue after a thunder in summer,

would have their own melody, every ray of sun it's own tone. The wind could be a soft piano sonata.

On a smooth summer day like this it could sound like 'Claire de lune '. 

Every little change of temperatur or humanity would change the pitch of dozens of instruments. And just

like nature they would play in perfect harmony, no day would sound like another, no two

clouds are the same. Sunrise in autumn could sound like Newman's 'Whisper of a thrill' and  when the sky

would be lightened up by bright moonlight at night it would sound like Mahlers'Symphonie no.5'. 

Maybe a thunder would create the sound of a big symphonic orchestra and the calm and soft sprinkles of

clouds in the sky after it would sound like mellow violins.


I just wonder how it would be if we were able to hear nature , to feel her on a higher level of understanding.

Do you think we would start to listen?

out my window


Listen. Watch the sky and the wind. Imagine.

Claire de lune

Whisper of a thrill

Symphony no.5

ich gruesse alle die ich kenne