In den Abgrund starren

"BEAUTY

 CAN ALSO EXIST IN VIOLENCE

 TO FEEL BEAUTY IS A BETTER THING

 THAN TO UNDERSTAND 

 HOW WE CAME TO FEEL IT."

George Santayana 
(The sense of beauty 1896)

pic by Tine Ka 

Moulting.

being loved, wanted. 

being disliked, hated.

Both startles me.

Both confuses me. 

Detach me from all of that.

Detach me from my ego

from how I look and the way I walk

from what you see in me

from what you project onto me 

from the things you understand.

It bores me 

it scares me 

it cages me .

I dont find comfort in this zone

anymore. 

I wanna be the weirdest I can get

act the strangest I can act

violent

heartbreaking

and broken. 

Follow me. Free falling.

See me. Saint and slut.

Find me. Creating and destroying.

Save me. 

Join me.

Or leave me the fuck alone.

I want to breathe self 

not perception.

.I wanna be all that I am.

Fuck I am too old to pretend to be just one thing. 

and too young to pretend that I have figured myself out.

Don't you pretend

after one look through eyes

more tired than your mind

that you fucking have. 

soft agression.

Sturm und Drang.

redecorating.

I wonder. 

Why do we say goodbye?

Whats good about leaving? 

I've never been good at leaving.

I am worse at staying.

Staying anywhere or anything.

I can't stay myself

and I can't change.

I love everything

and I hate everything

there is no in between

I love this - fuck this

I fucking love this

fuck loving this

though frankly , Mr Shankly

I have hardly any fucks left 

I gave them all to a world

that does not deliver meaning to me 

that knows only slogans, flags and strategy

so I am growing out of my own skin. 

Again.

When did this start

and where do I begin?

Dear Drama.

I am not sure f I remember quite right

it was kinda noisy in my head that night

but when I said : "come find me"

I was actually talking to the person behind me. 

So don't worry bout me the next time you see

that the best friend of a Dude I'd like

is also quite alright,

or when I meet another

no need to introduce a cute brother.

And about those girls with big mouths and small self esteem

dont make the effort to put them in my team

Oh before I forget it , one more thing

no sons, no long distance and please no ring.

You know I love a good story

and I have to say

you've been sending a lot of those my way

so I am not complaining, I guess

exept for myself, I've got everything under control 

but could you look out for my soul?

Cause though I know that you mean to inspire

and that you mean it well 

few more dances around the fire

and I am fucking going to hell.

ich gruesse alle die ich kenne