a moment.

I am lying on the floor in my new apartement. It's almost empty. I painted the few

furniture. Golden. Fresh. New.Unused. Inspiring. Like a blank page.

I am everywhere.
And nowhere.
In between of everything.
I am in two places at a time. Or three?
On the run. Not there yet.
Not too far away though.
I am thinking.
Way too much.
Or too little.
Everything is new. I am taking it in.
No time to reflect. No time to connect.
I am haunting the bigger picture. Learning.
I am thinking stuff over.
I am changing my mind.
I am searching. Or finding.

Or I am just high from all the fresh paint around me. No matter what,
I am here in 
this moment and I am very much myself.


- Take a moment, slow down a little, reconnect, get back to the middle -

main squeeze.


Shit, you know I'm not the kind for a long distance thing
I am too much of a tease and I need to see my king
but on days like these I just gotta face it
you are my main sqeeze, I'm just not ready to embrace it
I wanna be with you and think of you like all the time
I wanna follow you around the world and make you mine
I wanna breathe you, taste you, feel your light
nothing compares to you around me, to you inside
you light up my world and I'm afraid that you might
be the only damn thing that I'll love until I die
damn I really wish, that summer was a guy

Picture poetry: Balance.

Spottet in the park,

fire and ice, way after dark

secret lovers at their usual spot, she knows where to find him

it's right around the block

every night they linger in each others charm

he's having her back,

she holds his arm

cause they know the world would be truly lost

if they'd handle it like Robert Frost

and go and try to divide the pie.

There is a reason why opposites attract

and in my head it looks just like that.


I always know that I really like a picture when it makes my thoughts come with matching ends.

Are you what you wear?

I am sitting here, thinking about what I want to wear for NYE this year. I found that the
clothes that I wear in a way always mirror my state of mind and state of life. I am pretty
much what I wear, yet in my own code. I think that applies to many people, maybe
to all of us, no matter if we care about fashion or not. Those who do so, just express
it a little louder and a little more particular. Clothes talk, they reflect identity and
self worth and give us the opportunity to be whoever we want to be, for a day or a
night.....well, some people never really take off their costumes and some people's
clothes seem to wear them instead of the other way around, but we all know that
appearances can be deceiving, even if we like to judge a book by it's cover. Right
now, and how could it be any different, I really cant define my style. My Lisa Bonet/
Poetic Justice thing seems to mingle with some boyish gothic and some undefined
other lately. I always have this urge to renew myself, mentally and visually, so
I guess right now I am somewhere in between the old me and the new me. BUT one
thing I know: 'Me' is gonna enter the new year sparkling like a mo'fo.


Christmas. In our world most people connect christmas with togetherness and family, with
cooking a lot of food and eating even more. With wintertime, Christmas markets and Christmas Trees.
I never really clung to traditions or any of those customary patterns that we call tradition during Easter-,
Christmas or whatever time of the year. Somehow it's more a time of memories to me. Good and
hillarious ones, those that make you smile and think back, but also those that make you think of the
scars on your heart and thosewounds that still hurt. It's funny how sometimes a sudden change
in your life, a choice that you made or maybe a simple twist of fate, makes you realise that even
things you never knew were a part of it, quietly became tradition. And even though our decisions
might have brought us there, in tradition as in love, once the patterns are  established they are not
easly broken. I kind of convinced myself that I can start new patterns, there has to be a point where
traditions start, no ?


I wish everyone of you a very Merry Christmas, whether you spend it at a place you call home,
or on a beach getting drunk with strangers, if you are on a sailboat in the middle of the ocean or under the
Christmas Tree with the people you call family.


Love and golden glitter Christmas kisses from Amsterdam.

Düsseldorf - Berlin. One way.

Some endings take a long time to reveal themselves and some beginnings start so quietly,
you don't even notice they're happening. All you can do is follow your heart and when I think
about that, it is really all I ever did...damn, my heart got a big workout during the past
year. Change is growing. Always. And at the end of the day, despite the risk, the most
important thing is to seize the moment. Or whatever else you can grab.

So let's start from the beginning: Hello Berlin.

ich gruesse alle die ich kenne