not gonna happen.


until vs it's over

songs in my head

things that's been said

ways I did you wrong

selfishness vs moving on

emptiness vs holding on

moving forward vs staying true

me being me vs you being you

this hate me hold me  is killing us slowly

and the easy way out is not in our hands

we keep spinning around, not making sense

I guess the reason why love in us survives

is precisely because it isn't wise

hello winter.


Ok, the first snowflakes hit the ground today, I guess I can't deny it any longer. It's
winter. Slowly but surely we have to take those cosy winter coats and scarfs out the
boxes and put them back in the closet. It's amazing what you find in their pockets.
Notes, checks, little pieces of paper and that earring you've been looking for all
summer. And with them you find places and people and sometimes when you dig
deep enough, you'll find last winters emotions and in the best case their memory
puts a smile on your face. And then there's that moment when you have to decide
whether to put all that back in your pocket or throw it away. Maybe you decide to
sort it out later and carry them around for a bit, but after a while they get all mixed
up with the new stuff that you put into your pockets and every time you reach into
your pocket, you spend aaaaages just to try and get your shit in order and you end
up forgetting what you were looking for in the first place.


I also figured that memories and emotions can be some heavy shit, even if you put
them deep down into the darkness of your pocket, at some point the weight of your
coat is gonna drag you down. Of course you could just take the coat off. That might
be the easiest way to get rid of the weight but  there will be a winter next year and
you will have to deal with it again once the temperature drops. So you might as well
just dig your pockets for the extra baggage and sort out what is trash and what is
worth keeping. Letting go of something is hard, even of something you didn't think
about all summer.

I will start this winter with empty pockets.
I think.
What about you?

digital love.

You remind me of music

my mind's spinning around being exclusive

you are trippin me out, boy no doubt

The nature of this thing is yet to be defined

'cause it's beauty sleeps between the lines

wakey wakey rise and shine

in the meantime, I get high on the beauty of your mind.

Somewhere 'tween overdose and detox

you make me wanna flood your inbox

with picturesof my naked self

labeled with the titles from my mind's shelf

no shame in my game

as long as I am falling asleep, thinking your name

I knooooow it's ridic, but this thing I can't fight.

Believe me. I've tried

you know that I am addicted to you, right?

A medley of strangeness and intimacy

feat. digital sensuality

is playing on my mind. Repeatedly.

It borders on felony to make this become reality

but  I'm thinking: actually,

if a probable illusion causes that much confusion

and also seems to form a band

too strong to be broken without hands

....ah well whatever whatever whatever

gooood,  girl just get it together!

All I really wanted to say

is that I've been touched in an incomparable way.

You inspire me.

Can someone please just keep an eye on me ?


It's amazingly weird how the right song at the right time can hit you and go all the way inside,
to your soul and set you free.

 Weak Become Heroes 

Dear Prince Charming.

Yes. I meant it when I told you that I don't wanna be saved. See, i get it, you think that
a princess is not supposed to be alone and that she should be taken care of and that's
very noble of you. I know it might sound strange, but I actually kinda like reigning my
kingdom on my own. Yo I'm telling you, the whole doing whatever you want, when-
ever you want it - thing is a trip, especially because it requires knowing what you really
want. There is so much I want to learn and see and experience and it just feels as if have
to do this alone you know? I admit that there are nights when "these kingsize sheets
need more than just a queen in between them
", and once upon a time someone like
you was all I ever wanted, but now it's just not enough. I want it all and I won't settle
for less. So, thank you. Really, I appreciate it and hopefully I will see in the next chapter,
but I am writing this larytale and for now happy ever after will have to wait. I got this.

ich gruesse alle die ich kenne