Another year is ending. And I couldn't care less,

I'm  just done pretending. I guess. 

cause my whole universe is in spin - and I like the spin I'm in

I am in the middle of something,  looking for the path within 

There is no end, no beginning, no last year and no next - Only now - 

And I am breathing. 

every moment. every sound. every beat. 

And I am

my every word, my melancholy, my erratic heat.

Driven, hungry, all patience is gone - I'm done waiting for some day to come. 

May it be the next day, the new year , or the day before

I ain't giving up my now no more.

not for yesterday and not for tomorrow,

My love is light - my song is sorrow .

Everyday and every night -  Fuck tomorrow.


Tonight I won't find a way.

Tonight I won't make it work.

Tonight I'm not making plans.

Tonight I'm not gonna get to the bottom of this.

Tonight I'm gonna take it as it is.

Tonight I allow myself to be weak for a change

and feel alone and lost and a little afraid.


I'm gonna hide - and just hate the mess that I've created

but when I wake up tomorrow morning, tonight will be dated


fuck water - be a song my friend.

Touch me like a song.

send shivers down my spine - without touching my skin

bite my soul - conquer my mind

make whispers sound like poetry

set me free while holding me

thrill me. chill me. fill me. 

Cause if u love me like a song

I'm gonna play you all night long.


Just a few words. 

Or one certain touch

can sometimes already be too much.

Always walking on the border of not getting too close

cause you both already know how this thing goes.

Shutting down whenever he comes in view

not what I want, but what I should do.

Sometimes caring means pushing someone away

but that doesn't mean that you don't want them to stay.


I bought myself flowers
rolled a joint for late hours
now reading a few pages
and doing my nails
listening to Lauryn
not checking my mails.
I didn't have enough of the right thing
and too much of the wrong,
for just a second too long.
There's this thing about wrong and right,
they always come together, like they're tight or some shit
like all the wrong people, sit in the right places
and a right thing becomes wrong once you start to chase it.
As for me and for that matter, I tend to look for the right thing in all the wrong spots
and I've learned, as right and wrong go hand in hand
that in this world you better, know exactly where you stand - and for what
but to be honest, right now I'd rather fall
just like Lauryn in my speakers - so that nothing even matters at all.


I'm still wearing your sweatpants
though our love turned out to be a dead end
and on days like this the scars of your love remind me of us
and keep me thinking that we almost had it all.
We could have had it all
is what Adele would say, but
I'm a hustler baby,
that's what Pharrell would say.

ich gruesse alle die ich kenne